Heroes Of Justice
by Angry Santo
Summary: This is the story of modern day legends. A story of honor, struggle, property damage and indecent public exposure. This is the story of a legacy passed down from the heroes and villains of yore. Where those with power wage war against one another, making streets into battlefields with a suspiciously absent body count and a complete lack of legal accountability.
1. Chapter 1

So another thing I have been up to was this little piece of insanity.

This here is a work in insanity brought up by my good friend Aiden when he was given weaker meds, and I was a tad drunk.

We are told its funny.

This one was penned by my co-author Aiden.

Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did. :3

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They did not know what they had wrought. They could not understand the delicate complexity of her machinations, the way each piece connected to the other for the fulfillment of a single purpose. They did not appreciate the hard work, the sacrifices, that she had needed to perform in order to make things work as they should.

And now, because of their ignorance, she had to step out once more into the light.

Her face was as straight as it ever had been as she adjusted the leather that was, by tradition and obligation, skintight against her body. It was clinging and pinching and making it mildly difficult to breathe, but this was how things were done.

Damn them for making her have to return to this abomination of poor air circulation.

Now where did she put the mask? She could have sworn it was under here somewhere...

"Sella? Did you... move my mask?" Leysritt asked in the same flat tone she used for everything, glancing up from where she was kneeling in that black skintight leather suit as it molded to every bountiful curve.

The sofa; she normally hid it under the sofa.

Sella, of course, was sitting right there.

"I would never touch that... disgusting fetish mask of your's. Why would you even think that?"

Ah, she was scowling. Evidence of irritation. Or sexual tension.

Irritation due to sexual tension?

Unlikely in this case, though it would explain her sudden fixation on the possible uses she puts it to ... no, probably just irritation.

She reached further back, just in case it somehow got stuck there ... no, nothing.

Leysritt looked back up to her, and stared.

"My mask."

She kept staring for a long time. She did not move. She did not blink. Her eyes remained focused solely on those of her sister, placid like a still and silent lake.

Sella felt sweat begin to slowly form at the back of her neck.

"Sella."

"I...I t-threw it out."

"Sella."

"I'm telling the truth!"

"Sella."

"..." Sella finally pulled the mask out from behind her and meekly held it out. "Just...just don't do anything too crazy. I don't want you to get hurt."

Leysritt looked from the mask in Sella's hand. To Sella. Back to the mask and back to her sister. She then took it and said. "Thank you."

She slid the mask over her face, and stood to make her way to the door. At last, it was time to set right what had been made wrong.

To return those who had been misplaced to their proper places.

To restore the integrity of her everyday life with great swiftness and force.

The door opened, and red eyes blinked once behind the mask in momentary discomfort as the summer sun beat down on her.

Well... no use standing around then.

It was time for _The White Sloth _to remind the world why it should tremble.

'Nobody gets away with depriving me of Netflix.'


	2. An Everyday Outing

Ch two, this one penned by yours truly.

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Shirou walked happily through the streets of Miyama Town, whistling as he went on his way to Shinto. He had been looking forward to today all week, he'd spent quite some time picking out his clothes, staring at the countless pairs of blue and white shirts and jeans which made up all the clothes he owned.

Shirou stopped before reaching the bus stop that would allow him to board the noble vehicle which would take him to his destination. He needed a gift. He turned happily around and whistled as he walked to the Miyama Town Shopping Street.

Once he decided that he'd waited long enough (For he just _knew_ that she wanted to be able to berate him for being late, and he did not want her to have to be there several hours earlier than their appointed time just so she could do that, like last time). He made his way out, saying goodbye to Sella and Illya.

Strangely enough, he'd had the nagging feeling that he was being followed, but he was sure it was just his nerves.

"Oi Shirou! What brings you here? Don't you usually head down to Shinto right about now?" called a man happily from the flower shop.

Shirou turned to the owner of the voice with a smile. "Hey Cu, I forgot to buy a gift."

Cu Chulainn, dressed in a light brown apron, his blue hair tied into a ponytail, smirked at Shirou. "Ohh, let me tell you lad, that is a most grievous mistake in any outing!" He turned back to the flowers that he was supposed to have been tending. "Look, I'll get you a gift worthy of a true lady!"

He then pulled a red spear out of thin air and began to slash and stab at the different flowers that surrounded him. Using such a weapon in the cramped space that he was in should have been absolutely impossible, and yet it happened, his movements so fluid and quick that a normal person would be unable to follow them.

Within moments he was holding a bouquet of flowers, the plants that made it up as beautiful as they were fragrant. "Here you go lad! No lady could ask for more!"

He turned to see Shirou walking out of the bakery across the street. "Oh sorry, you said something?"

Cu gave his friend a flat stare. "Flowers, lady, buy them."

"Oh sorry, I just spent my extra money on this, so I can't." answered the redhead apologetically.

"What could you possibly buy that would be better than _flowers_ for crying out loud!?" Grumbled Cu as he peeked into the bag.

His sight was met with delicious looking meat-buns, each one promising delight unequaled if one were to take but the smallest bite. Cu stared, he stared long and hard. He then sighed.

"You know…You're right. You got a better eye for this than I do."

Shirou chuckled. "C'mon we both know that is not true! I just…I just know better."

"Heh! You're alright kid! Now go! Its rude to keep her waiting!"

Shirou waved and walked away chuckling. He was much too late as it was.

Too late for what might you ask?

Well his date with Altria of-course.

A powerful explosion leveled the flower-shop behind Shirou before the narrator could continue with the slice of life exposition.

"Obwahaaaa!?" screamed Cu as he was blown away by the explosion, covered in soot and scratches, his clothing annihilated into strips, but otherwise unharmed by the scorching heat and wall of supersonic shrapnel.

"You thought you could escape my sight!?" screamed the young voice of a girl he knew very well, a voice he would recognize anywhere. The voice that sounded so much like Illya that one would think it was Illya. But Shirou knew it was not. For Illya lay on the floor next to the flower-shop, her clothes damaged and her knees scratched by the fall.

No, this was not Illya.

This was.

"Did you truly think you could sneak past _Bow Girl!?"_ said the girl that stood triumphantly on the telephone post, brandishing a black bow as tall as she was (The exact same height as Illya, to be precise). Her platinum blond hair was tied into a pair of tails that swished back and forth in the wind, her arms were covered by a pair of red-sleeves, thrown over a black vest that covered her developing bosom, but only just. She was wearing a pair of hot pants that were _almost_ too short, leaving her mouthwatering midriff bare for men to drool at, her hips were covered by a red cape of the same material as her sleeves, what the town's people had taken to calling 'The Villainous Ass-Cape'. Leather belts crisscrossed the tanned skin of her lean legs that would make even a saint drool with lus-

"Um... miss, are you just going to keep standing there posing?" asked faceless bystander number one.

Bow Girl blinked, then remembered the situation she was in. "And I was just about to get to the good part_."_ She muttered under her breath, her cheeks burning a bright crimson. She then pulled another metal arrow out of nowhere, and pulled the bow taut. "Now do me a favor…_and die!"_

Shirou knew he was going to be late for his date. In point of fact, he had planned on it.

But she would forgive him, she always did.

He dug into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out a pair of slim, black-framed glasses, and slipped them on.

Sword Man stood in the Miyama Shopping Street, holding a paper bag full of meat buns.

"A hero's work is never done."


	3. A Hero's Work

The madness continues! Mwahaha!

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Bow Girl released her deadly payload, the projectile crossing the distance to its target in but a moment's span. So quick was the attack that Illya had not the time to inhale in order to produce a satisfactory terrified scream.

The explosion sent the unconscious Cu sliding face first along the ground and cast the contents of the ruined flower shop sky high.

And then there was a satisfactory terrified scream.

Moments later, a serendipitous gust of wind cleared the smoke. Standing in front of the terrified Illya was a boy…no a man. Dressed in blue jeans, a white and blue long-sleeved shirt, and his signature black framed glasses. His light brown eyes looked to the destruction around him with an infinite sadness. Another gust of wind served to clear what little soot had clung to the shoulder of his shirt, and to sway his spiky and fluffy read hair, and he turned to glare into the amber orbs of Bow Girl.

"Sword Man…we meet again." She said with a smirk.

"Bow Girl. I see you are still trying to kill my little sis-Ghk!- Illya."

"Y-You know my name?" Illya asked, her eyes brimming with tears of happiness.

Sword Man gave her a warm smile. "It's a Hero's job to know the name of those he rescues."

As Illya's face took on a crimson hue Sword Man whirled, the sound of steel striking steel resounded through the cracked streets of the Miyama shopping street. Sword Man was holding a gladius in a deadlock against Bow Girl's black and white scimitars.

"Don't ignore me, Sword Man!" she growled through gritted teeth.

"I would never think of it, Bow Girl." He grunted back, before he put more strength into his arm and sent Bow Girl stumbling back. "You will not escape me again. I will make you face justice!"

Bow Girl chuckled before speaking in a throaty moan. "Oh, you think you can stop me? How cute."

And so the fighting began and raged for hours. More fighting than could possibly be documented in a snippet this short written for the laughs. The kind of fighting that makes you wish there was a save point somewhere because your family is calling you to dinner but you have no idea how much longer it's going to be, or if this is just another hideously long cut-scene before you get to the _real_ boss fight.

The power of their masterful strikes was simply unquantifiable. If one were to try and put a number to it, any number would fall short, for simple arithmetic would never be enough to comprehend the ferocity of their attacks.

Except maybe for the number 9999.

They separated, the two of them panting, sweat running down their bodies in rivulets. Neither one was harmed, though Sword Man's shirt had been reduced to tatters along with Bow Girl's top.

Though a scrap of cloth and a string of hair always managed to fall _just_ so, and keep her decently covered despite all odds.

Bow Girl was about to resume the attack, but faltered.

It was not every day that she got to look at Sword Man's naked chest: the well toned muscles seemed to ripple even though he was standing still, the muscles of his arms bulged as he strained to hold on to the four feet of bastard sword one handed, his left arm still preoccupied with keeping a bag of meat-buns safe. She spied a drop of sweat as it began to run down from his neck, following the line of his collarbone and falling down his pectoral. She licked her lips as it reached his nipple and then fell from there to the floor.

God, did she _love_ being the super villain.

"You should not waste your time staring," Sword Man said as he took advantage of her momentary distraction to close the distance between them, brandishing a zweihander in his right hand.

Bow Girl smirked.

Then she struck a revealing pose and fluttered her eyes at him. "Hmm... I don't know. I don't mind if _you_ look at _me_, after all~."

Despite himself, Sword Man faltered.

Bow Girl went back to unashamedly staring at his chest. She was of the opinion that, contrary to popular belief...

Real men had nipples.

And she absolutely loved them.

A beam of incandescent light buried itself into her side, sending her flying into a building with such force that it collapsed on top of her. The drool that had been expunged from her mouth splashed against Sword Man's chest.

Sword Man smiled, he knew that attack.

"How dare you cause so much destruction, Bow Girl!? I, Kaleido Ruby, am here to stop you!" said a girl that looked a lot like Illya as she floated above the rooftops. The similarities Kaleido Ruby held with Illya were uncanny. They had the same height, build, eye color, face, voice, hair. If one were not careful, one would assume that Kaleido Ruby _was_ Illya.

But he knew they'd be wrong.

"Kaleido Ruby! Good to have you here," said Sword Man with a smile.

Ruby blushed. "H-Hi!"

"Oi oi oi! Is it too late to join the party?"

Ruby and Sword Man both turned, and tensed.

"Lancer!" spat Sword Man, the name sounding like a curse when it left his lips.

Lancer smirked, he was dressed in a one-piece blue suit with metal pauldrons, his blue hair swaying in the breeze. Across his shoulders he held a red broom handle that had the paint chipping off in several places.

"What type of welcome is that?" asked Lancer. "For once I'm here to help."

Ruby and Sword Man both narrowed their eyes, but Bow Girl chose that moment to dig herself out of the collapsed building, a small tear on her hot-pants but otherwise unharmed.

"Very well." Said Sword Man. "But we're right back to being enemies after this."

Lancer smirked. "Whatever, I'm just in it for a good fight."

The three readied their weapons. The magic stick, the broom handle, and an enormous slab of stone that could only vaguely be called a sword. And charged, their battle cry resounding within the Miyama shopping district and frightening a nearby flock of doves into flight.

Bow Girl smirked.

Moments later, the two heroes and one vaudevillian were picking themselves off the floor. Sword Man's left pant-leg was completely annihilated as he lay on the floor wit Bow Girl's boot pushing his face down. Lancer's one-piece was shredded on the back and its left pauldron had been cracked. And Kaleido Ruby's outfit had been transformed into what looked like an accidental bikini of cloth.

"How…how is this possible?" Kaleido Ruby asked with awe in her voice.

"She…should not be this strong," said Lancer as he tried to pick himself up off the floor.

"Mrhmmpfhhbbkt!" Said Sword Man beneath Bow Girl's boot.

"You fools," said Bow Girl as she dug the heel of her boot a little more harshly into the back of Sword Man's head. "Do you not understand?"

She turned him over and stepped on his navel, making him squirm. Her foot made a trail down toward his pants. "_There is only one of me." _Her statement made, she kicked Sword Man toward his comrades, where he landed in a pile atop Lancer.

Sword Man, Lancer, and Ruby all froze. _"""The Inverse Hero Law."""_

Bow Girl's smirk was smug indeed. "You should have fought on alone! By receiving help, you only managed to ensure my victory!" An enormous black bow appeared in one hand, and an enormous sword that could best be described as a monstrous corkscrew appeared in the other. She then notched it to the bow and pulled it taut. "Now sit there and weep."

The three heroes looked at once another, despair etched in the eyes of two, eagerness in the eyes of the third.

Bow Girl took a deep breath.

"CALADBO-" Her triumphant declaration was interrupted as a brass bat descended on her skull with a dull thunk. "Oougoodbyemusclecontrol," she mumbled as she fell to the floor.

The three heroes opened their eyes, and were awed by the light haired beauty standing before them with her back to the sun.

"No..." said Kaleido Ruby.

"When did she arrive?" Said Lancer.

"Boy am I glad I kept the meat buns safe." Said Sword Man.

"Oblargbfwa," Bow Girl said in a way that was really inappropriate for underage audiences.

"Sword Man."

Her blue and gold scarf was blowing in the heroic wind as she pointed at him with her golden bat.

"You're late."

Mysterious Heroine X had arrived in the scene.


End file.
